” The BreakUp Diaries: A Series of Ridiculously Honest Break Up Tales and Tips From a Normal Gal Going Through the Same Shit “
Part 1: Getting Through the First Few Weeks After
Ah gals, e-group hug here. From the breakups that have been easy (good riddance) to the devastatingly heartbreaking ones (sigh), we’ve all been through it. Often it’s nice to take solace in the fact that millions of other girls have, will, or are going through the exact same thing that you are. That no matter how alone you may feel, you are far from actually being alone.
I myself recently went through a breakup, one of my three(ish) in the last few years; this one felt different than the others though. I felt this time around more capable of gracefully handling a breakup as I have a solid support system and am generally happy with my overall professional and personal life. Unfortunately, this only helps so much when you loved the fella. No amount of “You deserve more” statements from your gals can take away the heartache that comes from someone you loved leaving you.
Deep breath here girls.
You’re going to be okay.
And maybe I’m writing this more to myself than anyone, but it’s true and it’s universal. Time heals, it literally is the one thing that I can promise you – with time, you will feel better, you will be better.
But time can pass so devastatingly slow during the times you want it to fly, a sort of mocking reminder that we are subject to the universe’s divine timing. So all you really can do is decide how to be your best self during this time. I’m right here with you in the mess that is heartbreak, round three this time, and I wanted to share a few tips and tricks I’ve learned that help me get through this time with a good head on my shoulders- strong, bold, busy, and genuinely getting better and better as the days pass.
Everyone says it because it’s true. You’ve got to stay busy and fill your time, which you probably have a bit extra of these days, with other things. Staying busy will help keep you from overthinking and dwelling.
The best way to stay busy during this time is to fill it with the company of people you truly enjoy. Spend time with the ones who know you better than anyone else, make you cry from laughter, and know how you’re feeling before you say it. But do say it, talk to them and tell them what you need; what you need to hear, how they can be there for you, and all the above. Having your people around you during this time is so important so let them in and ask them to be there for you when you need it.
Find something to work towards.
I find focusing on something else, some kind of challenging, yet attainable goal really helps refocus my time, energy, and thoughts. Is it joining that gym and getting beach body ready before summer? Is it taking on a new hobby? Whatever it is, set some kind of goal for yourself and you’ll fill your time with something enjoyable plus get the endorphin rush of accomplishing something.
And okay, this might be the most important and also the most difficult point I’m going to make:
You need to make time to feel your heartache.
I know I just told you to stay busy, and you should, but not at the expense of numbing or burying your feelings. Processing and feeling all your emotions at full capacity is absolutely essential to moving forward. Dismissing your feelings for another time will only prolong the healing process. When those horrible feelings pop up and rather rudely demand to be felt, choose to feel them at full capacity, then, there, and in the moment. If you deal with them then, hopefully, the next time they will hurt less, and so forth.
Go easy on yourself.
The first few weeks and potentially months after can be really difficult, a roller coaster of emotion and exhaustion, so choose to be kind to yourself. Spend Sunday’s having a Netflix movie marathon, treat yourself to a nice dinner, buy those new shoes you’ve been obsessed with for the last month. Buy a second pair even because why not? Just be kind to yourself like it’s your job because truly, your mental health is the most important thing.
Remember you are not alone.
We’re all in this together and I promise it gets better. Hang in there ladies and keep your heads up like the Rebel Femmes you know you are.
All my love,